


loved you twice

by starksnack



Series: wrapped in red [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Married Couple, POV Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers-centric, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22464592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/pseuds/starksnack
Summary: There's a ring around Steve's finger but he doesn't know who it belongs to.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: wrapped in red [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619926
Comments: 17
Kudos: 316
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	loved you twice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KiwiBerry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiBerry/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [KiwiBerry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiBerry/pseuds/KiwiBerry) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> for rae and her "temporary amnesia" tag. i didn't really use any of the prompts,, though this one is kind of found family which could fit the music link inspiration. (home is also one of my favourite songs, it reminds me of my friend group at college that are my family). anyway, i hope you like this!

The steady beep of a heart monitor pulls Steve out of his dreamless sleep. He had woken up from the ice a week ago and they had let him out of lab testing so he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing back at the hospital.

Steve had probably reached his quota of being in the hospital at four years old, the illnesses that plagued his childhood keeping his nose filled with antiseptic and keeping him out of the sunlight. He hated it, but a small part of him had grown up around doctors, his own mom a nurse. He just wished he could move on from this part of his life.

Frowning, Steve blinks awake, squinting up at the ceiling, and then at the strange man beside him. He has a weird kind of beard, trimmed into a geometric shape but his eyes are familiar and steady, deep pools of hot chocolate that remind Steve of couch cuddles and morning coffee. Steve feels safe even though he doesn’t know who this man is, the warmth of his relieved smile sending a thrum of happiness curling in his chest. The safety of his rich scent rings heavy with the weight around his finger.

He looks just like Howard. The beard is new and the floppy hair is longer but other than that, they’re pretty darn similar. It explains the unwarranted feelings of safety, that’s for sure. Maybe they’re related? Steve mentally snaps his fingers. That’s why he’s so familiar. Something in Steve knows that isn’t quite right but he tries it out anyway.

“Stark?”

Immediately the relieved happiness drops out of the man’s eyes leaving Steve wondering what he did wrong. A deep weight settles in his heart and Steve feels like a fundamental piece of him is missing. Objectively speaking, the last seventy years of his life, but it seems like something deeper, closer to his heart. It’s like his body knows something his mind does not and it leaves him grasping at the part of his mind where something is missing.

Steve doesn’t have time to mull it over though because the next thing he knows, a nurse is putting something else into his drip and he’s fading back into a restless unconsciousness between one breath and the next.

He dreams of warm brown eyes.

***

When Steve gets to go home another couple of days later, the man who was sitting by his bedside when he woke up, he introduces himself as Tony, pushes his wheelchair out of the hospital and helps him into the passenger seat of his sleek car. Apparently it’s been ten years since he came out of the ice and a lot has changed since then.

The glowing blue circle in his chest, Steve doesn’t know how he missed it before, seems to draw Steve’s gaze every time they’re together. He can’t resist the urge to reach out and touch it, but with the way Tony hunched around himself while sitting at Steve’s bedside, he thinks the touch would be unwelcome. There’s something metal around Tony’s chest that clinks against the glass of the arc reactor. It’s small, barely blocking its bright light and Tony strokes a finger across it when he taps nervously against the glass of the arc reactor.

There’s a lot of nervous tapping as Tony navigates the busy streets of New York, soft rock playing softly from the radio between them. Tony had told him that he lived in Stark tower, now renamed Avengers tower. Steve remembers drawing it a couple of times from the cafe down the street. He wonders if Beth still works there but then hopes she’s done better for herself in the last ten years. 

Steve thinks it’s pretty obvious how different his life is now, there’s a platinum band around his finger, the word Shellhead engraved on the inside in curling script, but Steve doesn’t remember what the word is supposed to mean. When he runs his thumb over it, his body recognizes the movement as a nervous habit of his own, like Tony’s tapping. It’s a comfort for him and he wants so badly for it to be significant to him right now. Whoever Shellhead is, he means a lot to Steve but the nickname is one that he hates himself for being unable to recognize. 

He could ask Tony, but anxiety has been a permanent expression on the brunet’s face since the doctors diagnosed Steve with amnesia and he doesn’t want to make it worse for him. They’re probably really good friends considering Tony had stayed by his side for all the time Steve was in the hospital and something inside Steve just knows Tony has already been through a lot and doesn’t need anything else piled on top. He wants to be what Tony expected when he had woken up instead of disappointing him, but he doesn’t know how. Doesn’t want to make it worse by drawing attention to the vast amount of knowledge he can’t recall. 

***

That night, the whole team gathers around the wooden dining table and awkward introductions are made. Thor takes his amnesia in stride, including him in conversations and making him feel at home in this strange place he doesn’t recognize despite the safe feeling it settles within him. Bruce is more tentative, side-eyeing Steve and then Tony but not saying a word, shooting them both supportive smiles instead. Clint is brash and joking, shovelling food into his mouth at the same rate that quips come out of it. Natasha is biting, not at all delicate in the best way as she ribs Steve for losing his memory and being away from them for so long. She’s the only woman on the team and she doesn’t have a ring on her finger. Steve doesn’t think he would have found the courage to date a man the way he’d always wanted, but just in case, he looks at the hands of everyone around the table for wedding rings.

There are none to be found, and something sick and anxious curls in his belly. What if his spouse is dead? Why else wouldn’t they have been at the hospital when he woke up? Or here at dinner? Steve doesn’t want to think about that so he forces himself to look around the table again. It’s also kind of weird that this objectively attractive group of well-known heroes are all unwed except for Steve. Was the job that demanding that they were unable to pursue other avenues for happiness in their lives? Was Steve the only one who successfully found someone to be with?

Steve’s gaze stops on Tony’s scarred fingers, thin lines traced across his skin like lightning. There’s grease under his fingernails that’s out of place because while Steve knows he’s a mechanic, he also knows that Tony has spent the last week or so in the hospital with him. Even more peculiar is the tan line Tony has on his ring finger. Clearly he was recently married but isn’t anymore. Hopefully not widowed. Maybe divorced. He’d mentioned a woman, Pepper, apparently the CEO of his company, he said she was away on business, a wistful note to his voice when he said her name.

Bitterly, Steve wondered if he and Tony had bonded over shared experiences.

He wasn’t paying attention, but something Clint said generated a chuckle from everyone around the table. From the expressions of everyone around the table, Clint making a dumb joke wasn’t anything new. Steve found himself looking at Tony, frowning when he realized that even though a smile was on his face, his eyes were laced with sadness and red with recently shed tears.

It was wrong, Tony’s laughter was supposed to light up his whole face.

That’s the first thing that Steve remembers. The mirth that spilled off Tony’s shaking shoulders as his laugh bubbled past his lips and filled any space that he occupied. He remembers telling Tony a joke and surprising a cute chuckle out of him. It’s nothing compared to Tony’s full-blown peals of laughter when he’s truly amused, but it’s close enough to remind him of what he’s missing.

Unease settles in Steve’s chest, sitting here surrounded by a family he doesn’t quite remember. They’re all here to help him though, and with that thought, a small bloom of hope unfurls in Steve’s chest.

***

When it’s time for bed, Steve follows Tony into the elevator. The brunet tells him he can stay on his floor until he regains his memories just so he has someone close by to help him out if he needs help or gets any nightmares.

Standing side by side in the elevator, Steve catches a better whiff of Tony’s fading cologne, the smell of popcorn and laughter filling his nostrils. At dinner, someone had mentioned movie nights so maybe that’s what he’s remembering. Going back to his quarters after a good movie with his friends. 

In his mind’s eye, Steve recalls Tony, fast asleep and snoring as Steve picked him up in a bridal carry and headed for the elevator. He remembers he had called for Jarvis and asked to be taken to Tony’s floor. Carefully, he had headed down the hall and lowered the genius into his King-sized bed, the silk sheets brushing against his skin as he pushed Tony’s curls out of his face.

Warmth fills his chest as he thinks about their traditions. Apparently they also did taco Tuesday and they went out for donuts together on Sundays. He and Tony did a team leader meeting on Wednesdays where Tony chose a restaurant he thought Steve should try and took him there to try a variety of their dishes. Fridays were reserved for baseball and Steve is outraged to head that his beloved Dodgers had apparently moved to LA. The feeling felt muted though, probably because he was experiencing it for the second time rather than an initial reaction. and there was always a prank war of some sort going on around the tower. With everything his team told him, Steve forgot about his spouse and thought about the family he’d made with the Avengers. Gratitude swelled in his belly as he thought about how he had never imagined this was something he could have, but he got it and it was everything he had ever dreamed it would be.

Steve pauses, why would Tony sleep in a bed so big if there was only one of him? He was a fairly small man and for some reason, Steve knew in his heart that he didn’t sleep stretched out if he could be curled up in someone’s arms. Or maybe that idea came out of thin air and Steve has no idea what he’s thinking about. Being an amnesiac does that sometimes.

The elevator dings and Steve steps out with Tony. For some reason, it feels wrong to not walk down the hall. Steve assumes that’s where Tony’s bedroom is, he’s probably just used to carrying his friend to bed and nothing more. Tony pushes open the door to the guest bedroom and Steve was immediately bombarded by the sense of misplacement except the thing that’s in the wrong place is Steve.

Instead of bothering Tony about it, Steve takes a seat on the big bed shooting Tony a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for all your help today.”

Tony nods, his hand coming up to his chest where a clink sounds against the glass of the arc reactor like something metal hitting it. There’s a small lump under his shirt, probably the pendant of a necklace. Steve doesn’t need to be nosy about it. He wishes Tony a good night, and lies in bed, trying to fall asleep.

It’s a really long time before he gets there.

***

Steve dreams of the ice and when he wakes up, the first thing he wants is Tony’s company. He doesn’t know why, but the urge to go see the brunet is uncontrollable so he pushes out of bed and pads across the hall to Tony’s room.

Knocking tentatively, Steve holds his breath, unwilling to disturb the man if he’s already asleep. Lord knows he doesn’t get enough of it. Steve doesn’t know how he knows that, but it seems right so he settles on that notion. There’s something fundamentally right about being here though and Steve can’t quite place it.

A sound that could be confirmation comes from beyond the door and Steve pushes it open without hesitation. The lights are down but the glow of Tony’s arc reactor is enough to illuminate most of the room

The first thing he notices is that all the picture frames in the room are face down. Kind of odd, but eccentric geniuses were known to do whatever they wanted without giving much of a care to what anyone else thought. The second thing is that Tony is wearing glasses and he looks very handsome. Steve doesn’t know how else to say it, but the smaller man looks absolutely adorable.

Tony is surrounded by the blue glow of holograms, a blanket draped over his lap as he manipulates the light in the air. When he sees Steve, he drops his hands, patting the bed beside him encouraging Steve to sit down. His brown eyes are magnified by his glasses and Steve’s fingers itch to draw him like this, so in his element it makes Steve feel like he doesn’t belong. But he does belong here. Some part of him that remembers all the time he’s lost knows that right by Tony’s side is exactly where he’s meant to be.

Somewhere in the depths of his memory, Steve remembers taking Tony’s glasses off him as the genius giggled uncontrollably and he’s struck with the urge to kiss him. Something tells him Tony’s lips will taste like coconut chapstick and motor oil from the smoothies Dum-E consistently tries to feed him. There’s a slot in Tony’s hip where Steve’s thumb fits perfectly like two pieces of the same puzzle.

“We’re married,” Steve says and as soon as the words are out of his mouth he immediately knows they are true the same way he knows with absolute certainty that his own name is Steve. Reaching over to the bedside table, he rights a picture frame greeted by a worn polaroid of him and Tony grinning from ear to ear, arms slung around one another.

Tony shoots him a wry smile, scratching the back of his head as he looks up at Steve through his chocolate curls. “Took you long enough.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve asks, hurt edging into his voice, as he nervously spins the ring on his finger. Does Tony not want him anymore?

“You didn’t ask?” Tony tries to joke, but the smile drops off his face when he sees that Steve is truly upset. Digging into his shirt, he pulls out a chain with Steve’s dog tags on them, a platinum band settled beside the metal that he quickly slides off and onto his finger. “The doctors told me I had to let you remember on your own.”

Steve nods grasping Tony’s hand in his and holding on to it like a lifeline. He needs this connection now more than anything and he knows somewhere deep in his soul that Tony will provide whatever he could possibly want.

Lifting Tony’s hand to his lips, he gently kisses his knuckles, lip brushing the cold band of the ring. It looks right on Tony’s hand though, and Steve didn’t know something was missing until this moment.

He doesn’t remember their relationship, all the little moments that led up to marriage. He doesn’t remember their anniversary or their inside jokes or their song. But he knows that he loves Tony. And that’s all he really needs. 

***

It still takes almost a month for Steve to regain all of his memories. Tony is steady support for him the whole time and Steve falls in love with him a little more each time he needs to remember something that’s on the tip of his tongue but not quite there. Each time he stumbles, Tony supplies the missing piece he needs to power through and that means the world to him.

Tony holds him when the memories he does have get too much, nightmares of the ice plaguing his dreams more often than not. Apparently, he hadn’t gotten them in a long time, but Tony makes them better.

Every time Tony is there for him, Steve falls in love with him a little more. He’s kind of grateful to get the opportunity to relearn the man that has been by his side for years, loves the ease and comfort he feels even though he only remembers fragments of their steady relationship. It’s like getting to fall in love with him twice and it doesn’t make Steve grateful for his amnesia, but it’s a little more bearable. 

When his memories finally come back in a rush that leaves him woozy, Tony is lying with his head on Steve’s chest, tracing circles into the pale skin of his pectoral. His finger freezes, warm brown eyes darting up to meet his as he presses a soft kiss to his skin. “Your heartbeat just got really fast.”

“I remember everything,” Steve whispers, flexing through his brain, a smile spreading across his face as he remembers Tony in their long rollercoaster of a history. It’s exhilarating and comforting all at once.

“Oh good,” Tony kisses him again and settles back into tracing shapes on Steve’s skin, mapping out letters that spell  _ I love you.  _ It warms his heart from the inside out as Steve rifles through his memories. It feels like being able to relax for the first time in months.

Steve grabs Tony’s hand, their wedding rings clinking sweetly together in the best possible way as he brings his husband’s fingers to his lips for a sweet kiss. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on [tumblr](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/starksnack/).


End file.
